Sometimes dreams come true...

My friend told me just yesterday: "I am really sad, my dream has just come true." I didn't understand it at all. Why she was sad, when her dream came true. Of course she being my friend understood what was the problem and tried to explain everything to me.

She was in love, but her boyfriend lived in another country and they didn't see each other for a very long time. All she thought about was, that she would give anything or do anything just to see him for a minute. Only a little while would be enough.

When she was travelling with a plane, he was supposed to wait for her, but they didn't meet in the end. Only after few days she realized, that she saw someone on the airport. And then the realization hit her. It was HIM.

She told me: " That moment I knew I had my dream fullfilled and I am not going to see him ever again."

I thought it was funny,that she believed in this kind of fate, but after some time it made me think about this possibility. They always tell that if you wish hard enough, the wish will come true. But what if you don't want it to happen anymore. What if it was in a time of sadness and despair?

With eyes full of tears my friend whispered to me: " Be careful what you wish for."

And I think I will.

I have read somewhere, that people you love or trust the most, can and eventually will hurt you the most.

I have never thought I will once agree with that. When a good friend, should I say one of the best, does something, you never dreamed of, what do you do? Is there a special guide 101 ways how to react when your best friend hurts you? I do not think so.

The first thought is something along: No way!!! But after a fragment of a second all that was on my mind was Why? Not when, not how long, not who knew... But WHY???

The next step in the process of course was to get furious...I wanted to scream, smash something really hard... Not that it would help of course...I wanted to do it, only to have control over something again.

After a while I settled down, after all everyone does, only the time period is different.

She came, I asked: Did you really....? And she answered: No. In this moment I knew. I wasn't sure she did it, but it was 100% clear to me she could. That she would be able. One look to her eyes was enough. Enough for me to find out what I needed to know.

It left me exposed, hurt and insecure. I had so many doubts, I needed to clear. Maybe I made a mistake... Maybe if I behaved differently... Maybe if I said something else... Maybe...

And maybe not. I know I had every right to do, what I did and say, what I said. But even this fact doesn't change the feeling I have when I think of the time we spent together, places we went, nights we talked. I feel like crying... And after a while I realize, I am. Crying I mean.

I still talk about her as a friend of mine. I still consider her a friend. Perhaps I will be able to trust her again. I am sure as hell I will try.

Only there is still the question hidden somewhere in my mind.

WHY?

I still don't have the answer. I doubt I ever will...

Compromises

Sometimes when you want something really bad, you can't have it without losing something else, you need and do not want to lose.
Then you have to decide. Unfortunately only for one thing. You want to keep the old, or you take the risk of the unrevealed path and go for the new.

Thanks god life isn't only black and white. There are many shadows of grey as well. All you have to do is a little adjusting of the plans...
It is called doing compromises. What I call it is shifting the reality...Well at least your thinking. You have to persuade yourself that it is better to have half of each thing than only one of them, but for 100%.

From this point, it is really easy. You just keep on adjusting and compromising all the time. Life isn't always black or white, there are shadows as well. You may realize, that you have adjusted and compromised too much and the grey shade doesn't suit you at all.

Bittersweet

Everyday people try to get something, to win, to be the best, well when not the best, at least better than someone else...To run faster, to jump higher, to look better, have more money, more cars, clothes, houses, wives
You know the routine...beat the others, be the champion.
Hey it is even in the fairytales. The handsome and courageous prince beats the dragon, witch, evil king or a really bad troll. And he gets the prize, by usual standards a princess or half of a kindom.
Sometimes it happens that it is neccesary to compete with friends. It makes it even more difficult. They try to congratulate you to your success, sometimes they even try for you to be happy.
But if you really look into their eyes, the look you get will leave sad.
That is why also winning can make you feel bittersweet.